High and Dry

noose

The Sequester has detrimentally impacted many lives, including those of the Royal Taster and Executioner

Recently, MOM’s dad known as Obama couldn’t eat his food because his Taster was sequestered.  Obama is very picky about the salt and cyanide content in his meals, so he could only gaze longingly at the lobschter salade without taking nary a bite.  All the Rs in the room ate it and lived, but we know that they are heartless, brainless, and we guess, stomach less.

We purposely laid off our Executioner because MOM is signing the death penalty repeal bill.  MOM is a Catholic of the strictest order, firmly believing that Capital Punishment is a “violation of the right to life and an unauthorized usurpation by human beings of God’s sole lordship over life and death.” 

When it comes to innocent babies in utero however, not so much.  MOM is also a huge fan of gay marriage, as he believes that people should not be allowed to tell other people who they can love.

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Damn, I’d be scared witless if I told him who to love.

Our Catholicism comes in so handy when we need it.

But on to a few more little items in our In-Basket.  With all the gun control and gas hysteria going on, some little bills have been sliding along the trail towards passage without much notice at all.  These would be the Mary Jane bills and the Vote By Mail bill.

Under these bills, you can get high without worrying about jail time.  And, when you are writing your cat’s name on the ballot to become the President of the United States, you can mail in your vote without having to stand in line, getting wet if it rains.  So you can stay dry!

First, our Marijuana bills:

HB 1453 — would remove all criminal penalties for the use and possession of up to an ounce of marijuana by adults and regulate marijuana in a manner similar to alcohol.  Senate Bills 297 and 394 — would remove criminal penalties and make possession of marijuana a civil “cite-and-fine” offense.

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Just in time for Spring planting!

We are covered in the House and Senate with our Mary Jane bills.  And just look at all the jobs that will be created with the passage of these bills.  There will be more distributors, paper and bong manufacturers, head shops, not to mention the uptick in the sale of Tostitos and salsa.  Who said we weren’t capitalists?

Next, visionary Senator Roy Dyson has proposed SB 901 which states that all elections should be conducted by mail.  Now we’re talkin!  Finally, someone who embraces 21st century technology and the miracles of the US Postal Service.  Just think, his bill saves money by eliminating those pesky voting machines that are always called into question.  It creates jobs – well, it does away with all those Election Judging jobs – so it saves us money.  And, it gives the Post Office something to do! 

Oh My – a real review of what it’s like to work in the Post Office:

A typical day at work would be to come in and sort packages by zip codes. Mail handlers are the back bone to the postal service. we sort all mail. The hardest part of the job was standing in one spot to cancel stamps on letters. the most enjoyable part was being able go on break when there wasn’t anymore work to do.

And you will be voting by mail.  What could possibly go wrong? Hey, at least you don’t have to go out in rain, sleet and snow like the dedicated Postal Workers do, in order to cast your vote.  Who knows, maybe your cat WILL get elected to be President of the United States of America.

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I’m not blocking your view.  I AM your view!

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