The Birds and the Bees and the Flowers and the Trees and a Thing. Called. Jobs.

fatherson

A TYPICAL FAMILY CONVERSATION IN A TYPICAL KITCHEN IN THE PEOPLE’S REPUBLIC OF MARYLAND

“Son, you are old enough now, almost 21.  It’s time we had our “little” talk.”

“Dad, I already know everything.  I learned it all in school.  Remember, you had to sign a form if you didn’t want me to hear it? ”

“I know Son, but it’s important that you hear this from me.  After all, I am your father.”

“OK, but can you hurry?  Aashif is teaching me how to curse in Farsi and then we’re playing 72 Virgins.”

“Aashif?  I thought he got into trouble at school.  Didn’t he go to class with explosives strapped to his back?”

“Yeah, but only because he got mad when we spoke english in English class.  He calmed down after we read a few verses of the Holy Qur’an and  prayed to Mecca on the classroom prayer rug.  Joey is another story.  He got in reeeeally big trouble when he pointed his finger at Pedro.  He  got expelled right away because the principal said he was pretending to have a handgun.”

“Alright.  Anyway, let’s talk.  I want to tell you the Facts of Life about jobs.  Do you know where jobs come from?”

“Well, I sorta know. So, the guys who started Starbucks wanted to have a Starbucks on every corner, and they couldn’t be cloned.    So they got other people to sell their mochas and lattes.  I guess jobs are what the other people have when the Starbucks dudes are somewhere else.

“Son, you really learned something in college.  That is a really good explanation but it’s the old-fashioned way to make jobs.  First, remember that the people with the original ideas didn’t build their companies on their own – somebody else did that.  So the Starbucks guys didn’t create the company – you did by drinking their coffee.  Those aren’t real jobs anyway.  Real jobs are made by the government.

“Wow. So it was me who started Starbucks?  Cool.  But Dad, where does the government get money to take care of everyone?

“The government taxes the rich, which is a “living” concept meaning that it is constantly re-defined to fit our narrative.  The rich are now people making $100k, but anybody who has more money than somebody else is rich.  And to be fair, we need to spread the wealth around so everybody is equal and nobody is better than anybody else.  The government also taxes companies so that they can’t hire anyone, because we want everyone to ultimately have a government job and healthcare.”

“So jobs come from the government?”

“That’s right, son.  The government hires people like teachers, firefighters, and all kinds of people to protect us and make our lives better. If they don’t have jobs for everybody, they still give them everything they need to have nice lives, so they never need to work.  Any money left over is spent on roads, bridges, infrastructure, clean energy, climate change, drones, Affordable Care, the less fortunate, and Michelle Obama’s vacations.  See how it all works?

“Yeah, but what happens when the government runs out of people to tax?”

“Well, that’s a good sign.  We can then live globally under the New World Order.   There will be no more American arrogance, we won’t have to make any personal decisions, nothing for our little brains to worry about, and our rulers will be very happy.  Son, I am so glad that we had this talk.”

“Me too, Dad.  Dad, can I ask, where do babies come from?  I mean, I don’t see how you and Dad ………………”

“Well son, that’s easy.  Your other Dad and I fell in love and wanted a baby.  So, we got on Craig’s List and found somebody willing to be a surrogate.  It wasn’t scary at all. ”

“Oh, OK.  Can I go hang out with Aashif now?”

“Yes, son.  But don’t forget to take your free condoms in case you get carried away with the 72 Virgins.  And remember, we are all babies under the government.”

HMMMM – why yes, I do see a trend in adults becoming babies.  Allow me:

 

footie boost manbear

Onesie with drop seat           Adult pabulum                                                          No comment

I rest my case.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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