Dreams Really Do Come True

It has been really tiring partying for the last three months.  (Yawn).  I am really tuckered out today – can hardly keep my big brownies open.  (Yawn).  Think I’ll just take a little nappy right here on this government protected field.  No fracking around here to keep me awake.

Just hope I don’t get nightmares from that organic, farm-bred lobster arugula salad.

sleepdonkey

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ  ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ  ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzz

sleepdonkey1

WOW – what platitude am I on?  Moving Maryland Forward?  Yes, We Can?  Am I in a dream?

Hello Little Jack.

johnstewart

I’m Jon Stewart, and I will be your Dream Guide today.  I was picked because most of America gets their news from me.  Let me introduce you to our New World Order.

Meet Honey Boo Boo.  The sheeple just love her, and she now has the most popular show on TV!

booboo

I like to get in the mud, because I like to get dirty like a pig.” 

WOW – her talking gut sounds just like a politician! Maybe it and she can run for President.

You see, Little Jack, we now live in a world where illegal immigrants can get health benefits and college degrees, and you can buy booze and gamble with your food stamps.  Even pot is legal.  Kids of all ages can get birth control and their parents will never know. Government is the only entity “creating jobs”. And best of all, men can marry men, women can marry women, and professional athletes are free to be gay!

gay1

I really don’t want to touch you, Jason.  You might get the wrong idea! 

And, our electricity will be powered by the wind!  MOM led the way on that one.

turbines

Sometimes we can wash our clothes and dry our hair if the wind blows hard enough!

And we are taxing rain!  Money is literally falling from the sky.

money

Siiiiiinging in the rain, and caaaaaashing in on rain!

And everybody will soon have healthcare, except the 20 million who use to.  And not many will live longer than age 70, as we like to recycle.  Over time, our population will be very youthful. Won’t that be fun?

oldlady

Sorry lady, at your age, you just don’t fit the rubric to use our Healthcare services.  Just take two aspirin, and go to bed forever!

Gun ownership is severely restricted, our military defense is hobbled, we send loads of money to Egypt and other places run by the Muslim Brotherhood, and there are jihad outbursts on a regular basis.  Nobody is afraid of us anymore.  And the folks in Washigton are more corrupt than the Chicago mafia.  No insult intended to the Chicago mafia.  We are going to hell in a handbasket.  Isn’t this great?

Little Jack?  Little Jack?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

screamdonkey

OMG, I just had a terrible dream.  Wait, I don’t think it was a dream.  It’s real!  Oh NOOOOOOOOO – I’m just a simple Democrat, not a Socialasst!  How did this all happen?  Jon, why didn’t you tell me what was really going on?  Why?????

Guess I’ll have to switch to Chris Matthews for my news.  Time to get serious.

Call Me Maybe

redphone

It’s the end of April and he STILL hasn’t called!

MOM got so tired of waiting for Buhrock to call and congratulate him on all the things he did to the citizens of Maryland, that he flew off to Israel.  He didn’t really know why he chose to go to Israel other than to score some great frequent flyer points.

Here’s MOM in his Israeli hotel room, talking to some hand-picked and pre-screened “reporters:”

“I’m sure all of you will ask me foreign policy questions,” he said as he opened the floor. “I respect your right to ask them, and I hope you’ll respect my right to shy away from answering them.”

MOM is so great at deflecting when he’s clueless.  When asked if we should be nuts over Iran’s nukes, MOM confidently said:

“I believe that the president will make that call.”

Oh, that call.  If only the president would make that call to MOM. 

momflower

I’m waiting, Mr. President, for you to validate my reason for living.

So far, MOM has avoided Bebe Netanyahu, to show solidarity with Buhrock.  Instead, he met with some token jewish people, and was especially interested in Salaam Fayyad, who resigned earlier this month as prime minister of the Palestinian Authority.

“I’m hoping in discussions with him to learn,” Mr. O’Malley said of Mr. Fayyad. “That’s part of the obligation that goes along with travel.”

Really?  You’re supposed to get skooled on these trips?  Hmmmm – maybe somebody should tell this guy:

obama_enduringvacation

While you were out on vacation……………………

MOM again played coy with the Reporters when asked if he wants to follow in Obama’s footsteps:

“I plan for the latter half of this year to dedicate some more thought time, reflection time, to the question of whether or not I would run,” he said Tuesday.

WOW – he’s gonna take a whole half of a year to decide on the question?  Guess he’s not holding out a lot of hope in getting his phone call soon.  It’s just torturous for Obama to play with MOM’s feelings like this and not validate MOM as a real live presidential contender.  Why, MOM can’t even think straight!  And when he gets stressed, he goes into “brain mixer” mode and out comes half-chopped stuff like this:

“The key question in running for any office is having a clear and refined understanding of the shared reality we face and the better set of choices we need to make as people to meet those challenges and to create a better future for our kids.”

mixer

What goes in gets all mixed up and comes out in many random fragmented configurations.

As for Obama calling MOM………..well, he only calls “select” people.

obamaphone

Hey Reggie, I just met you, and this is crazy.  But here’s my number, so call me, maybe.

Gorillas are Rockin the Jail House

The Maryland Zoo boasts the Chimpanzee Forest, where mammals live and play and procreate, sequestered away from other interfering species.  Humans delight in climbing the hill on the Druid (yes Druid) Hill Park zoo campus to the summit where the caged monkeys emulate living in their natural habitat, playing along in anticipation of a big banana payback at closing.

Down the road apiece is another Forest, this one filled with Gorillas.  It too features cages and handlers and mammals who live and play and procreate freely behind bars.  And there are lots of banana paybacks.  Except this Forest isn’t exactly open to the public.

detention

Who knew the Baltimore Detention Center was another zoo?

According to The Daily Mail (yes, this is International news):

Federal prosecutors say 13 female correctional  officers, seven inmates and five others with gang ties have been charged with  plotting to smuggle drugs, cellphones and other contraband into the Baltimore  jail and other corrections facilities.  An indictment unsealed Tuesday said the ring  also involved sex between inmates and guards that led to four of the officers  becoming pregnant by Tavon White, leader of a jailhouse gang called the Black  Guerrilla Family.

Murderer and Black Guerrilla Family member Tavon White got FOUR GUARDS pregnant (one twice!!!)   What a shot!

tragor

Meet TayGor, the inmate primate who has a new job counseling men with ED.

In an attempt to explain why four guards supervised their wards lying on their backs instead of standing up, officers stated that the gang targeted those with “low self-esteem and insecurities.”  White allegedly gave gifts to three corrections officers. Owens, Stevenson and Brooks received a diamond ring and luxury cars.

kim

Women who love money, jewelry, sex and cars typically have low self-esteem.

TayGor could also get a job as a CEO, as he got a lot of experience running the jail.

The Washington Post reports that during a  wiretapped cellphone call made by White in January, he told a friend: ‘This is  my jail. You understand that? I’m dead serious. I make every final call in this  jail.’

And just who is really in charge (or should be)?

Secretary Gary Maynard is taking full responsibility.

“It becomes embarrassing for me when we expose ourselves and we participate in an investigation that’s going to show what’s going on in our jails that I am not proud of,” Maynard said.

Say what, pantywaist?  No wonder TayGor took over the joint.  You need testosterone to run a place like that.  Probably not a good idea to have females minding male inmates, though.

MOM is in Israel right now on a fact-finding mission to determine if Jerusalem is really the capital, and in between bites of matzoh he said:

“We have zero tolerance for corruption among correctional officers, and we will continue striving to make all correctional facilities as secure as they can possibly be,” the governor said.

So, thirteen female corrections officers, seven inmates and five alleged co-conspirators are charged with racketeering, money laundering and possession with the intent to distribute. Officials say all 13 have been suspended without pay and the department is moving to fire them.

Five new babies just joined the welfare system, with possibly 13 adult women not far behind.  Yippee – 18 Democrat voters!!!

Er, if the 25 are charged, will they be going to jail?

Yeah baaaaaaaaaaby!  Partaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.

elvis

Everybody in the old cell block, dancin’ to the jailhouse rock!

Pepe’ le Pew

What on terre (French for Earth) has gotten into Pierre Franchot, our tres’ bien Comptroller?  He’s making a bigger stink than Pepe’ le Pew!

pepe

Pardon mois – I have zee smell of fresh camembert cheese. 

His panties are in a major wad because the President of Towson State University, Maravene Loeschke, skipped a Board of Public Works meeting in Annapolis.  Who in the world would want to go to that anyway?  Why, just writing about it bores the manure out of me.

Pierre is so mad that she didn’t attend, that he wants her to resign! 

“The president of Towson, in my view, has forfeited her claim on moral leadership,” Franchot said during the Board of Public Works meeting in Annapolis. “It’s with a heavy heart, I believe, in the best interest of Towson University that she should resign.”

All she did was miss a meeting, and he is chastising her morality?  God forbid if she ever missed a day of church.  Then again, we Dems rarely attend church unless we are “running,”  as we gave up confession long ago.  They can never spell her name right anyway.

Besides, MOM said she could skip that night:

“I don’t think I need her to [attend],” O’Malley said, adding that Loeschke had already been to Annapolis late last month to meet with him and Comptroller Peter Franchot.

So why in the world did Pierre want her to attend that dreadful meeting?

Hint:

balls

He wanted to meet a woman with balls?

franclosh

No, he’s mad because, with the stroke of her sexist pen, she eliminated the MEN’S basketball and soccer teams  at Towson to “open up more opportunity for women’s sports”.  She blamed it on federal Title IX requirements (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Title_IX), the equal opportunity in education mandate that has nothing to do with athletics.  Pierre wanted Loeschke in the hot seat, live- streamed for all five listeners to hear, to answer why, why, why does she hate men so much!

Until she can explain, Pierre is getting even by withholding funds for a campus construction project, and publicly calling for her to resign.

Apparently, Ms. Women’s Lib has a habit of eliminating MEN’S sports teams from Universities upon which she has served.  She “did away” with the football team at Mansfield, University of Pennsylvania.

Gosh, she really does seem like a “serial killer” of men’s sports teams!  What happened in her past to make her this way?  Was she jilted by a tight end in junior high school and will forever exact revenge?  Did she try out for a boy’s sports team and was rejected?

And, who knew that if you have a boy’s team it takes up space that could be used for a girl’s team.  I had no idea that boys and girls were mutually exclusive.  Maybe the solution is to open up the teams to men, women, or anything in-between.

androgeny

Can IT try out for soccer?

Pierre better put a lid on it with Ms. Loeschke if he thinks he has a shot of becoming our next Guvner.  Maybe he can send a caviar and champagne basket as mea culpa.

Don’t forget, MOM already chastised him last year with a scathing public statement where he called Pierre the worst name possible:

MOM: “He’s (Franchot) kind of our version of Mitt Romney, I mean, he’s very happy taking opposite sides of every issue and always has throughout his career.” 

UGH – this could be a career-ender for Pierre by taking the side of a man!  I mean, we certainly don’t want Mitt Romney as our Governor.

Minority Report

Shame on you, racist minds, for thinking I was talking about “those” kinds of minorities!

blackdonkey

Not you, little ass.  Why, I never even noticed you were black! 

No, I’m talking about “these” minorities.

bigelephant

They’re big, but really in short supply in Maryland.

They are crying elephant tears over our successful 2013 Session!  They have loads (no pun intended) of complaints about all the great things we are doing to for the Maryland comrades.  Let’s examine a few, shall we?

2014 Budget

Red Maryland: After the legislature trimmed (mostly from Medicaid over budgeting) the FY 2014 budget comes in a $36.9 billion dollars, up $1.4 billion from last year, an increase of nearly 4 percent.  Over the last several years O’Malley has falsely claimed he cut $8.3 billion in spending. He repeated that lie to WBAL News yesterday.

MOM simply needs more money.  More for rozenbrigez.  More for windmills.  More, more, more.  Besides, eventually the gummint will be the only employer in Maryland, so more money makes more jobs.  And more jobs make more money.   I mean, we gotta have some people working around here to pay for it all!

Windmills

Red Maryland:  After two failed attempts, O’Malley rammed through his plan to make Maryland electric ratepayers subsidize billions in costs for offshore wind turbines.  Then O’Malley himself sweetened the pot for minority legislators with millions in state grants to minority contractors to compete for offshore wind energy contracts.

See, we take care of our minorities, unlike those R people.  And, we asses are really good with “kick backs” if ya know what I mean.

Gas

Red Maryland: Warning that Maryland suffers from a dearth of transportation funds to pay for congestion relief, infrastructure maintenance, and mass transit projects, O’Malley introduced, and the legislature approved a massive 87 percent gas tax increase to generate new transportation funds.

How else do they expect us to fund the Fund?  I just wish it wasn’t made of teflon.  Furthermore, it’s about time we built some rozenbrigez around here.

Guns

Red Maryland: The legislature approved Governor Martin O’Malleys sweeping gun control plan, devised in the wake of the Sandy Hook Elementary school massacre in Newtown, CT.  The law calls for potential gun purchasers to be fingerprinted, bans so-called “assault weapons”, limits magazine that hold more than 10 rounds and restricts the purchase of firearms by the mentally ill.

I have already explained the phenom of the non sequitur.  Also, it’s been a real problem with the mentally ill constantly buying firearms from gun shops.   Why, just last week Mike Miller was spotted at the ……. oh, nevermind!

That Washington Post poll that you may have heard of, saying that over half of Marylanders disapprove of MOM’s handling of the budget, taxes, and the economy, is completely incorrect.  If it were true, we wouldn’t keep getting re-elected, now would we?  Would we?

threedonks

We need to really start working on the illegal immigrant vote. 

elephants

Damn those millionaires leaving Maryland.  Go get ’em while you can, MOM.  Maybe you can create an Exit Tax!

“Goddag og velkommen til”

It was only a short time ago that Amerika was viewed as the country with all the answers!  Why, we were Numero Uno in manufacturing, military prowess, economic independence, health services, etc.  Then those damn Chinese took over with their cheap labor and wrecked everything! 

Not only that, but the filter in our gene pool got clogged, resulting in the birth of  very stupid liberal Sheeple with low-wattage brain power.  And we, the Elected Asses who know everything, had to step in to save them from themselves!

dumb

Typical American  NO-Information Voter

MOM is dumb, too. Playing dumb, that is, over his potential run for Prezy.

(Baltimore Sun) The governor, a two-term Democrat, will leave office under term limits in Jan. 2015. On Wednesday, he said he needs to give “the time, the thought, the brain power necessary to give the serious consideration” to running for the presidency.

MOM has high wattage “brain power” and will use it to think about becoming our Ruler.  It’s taking awhile, however, for his brain to recharge, as it has been on stand-by for the past three months.  MOM sez:

“The next 20 months of our administration could be the most effective,” O’Malley said. “Political wisdom is that nothing much gets done in the last two years, but I think that was true up until we started getting a lot of stuff done.”

Huh?  Say what?

Advocates Of Stricter Gun Control Laws Hold Rally In Maryland's Capitol

Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.  Wake up, brain, the alarm is going off.

Anyway, we are sure that MOM’s brain is fully charged now, as he just got back from Denmark where he attended a meeting on Progressive Government.

Wonder if he knows that Denmark is a constitutional monarchy with a  representative democracy based on a unicameral parliamentary system. The Prime  Minister is head of the government . Read more http://www.kgbanswers.com/what-is-the-governing-body-of-denmark/22688499#ixzz2QTPHy3Kz

If MOM can institute this kind of government, he can be King until he dies, and then Wee MOM will take over.  Kinda sounds like England when we left to start Amerika.  Hey, history comes full circle after all!

Goddag og velkommen til, Amerika (Hello, America).  It’s great to be King!

king

 

 
 

 

One Plus Two = Jellybeans!

Non sequitur (Latin for “it does not follow”), in formal logic, is an argument in which its conclusion does not follow from its premises. In a non sequitur, the conclusion could be either true or false, but the argument is fallacious because there is a disconnection between the premise and the conclusion.  (Wikipedia).

We are still basking in the glory of Moving Maryland Forward.  It is now teetering precariously on the edge of the cliff of our Progressive black hole.  One little push and over they go, and we will be in control forever!

sheepcliff

Sorry Sheeple.  We cut back on parachutes due to the evil Republican sequester.

MOM is masterful at “disconnecting the premise from the conclusion,” and he non-sequitured all over the place to justify making Maryland one of the top liberal states in the country.

Here are a few examples:

Crazy person goes on shooting spree in another state = oppressive gun legislation levied on law-abiding citizens to prevent it from happening here.  If we have your guns, the crazies won’t be able to steal any and shoot people.

Hurricaine Sandy hits the East Coast = assessment of Storm Water fees on every single working person and business (which could cost them tens of thousands of dollars).  We are now taxing rain!

Unemployment is up, cost of living is up, Maryland is one of the highest tax states in the country = raising gas and other taxes to build rozenbrigez for you to travel on, if you still have a job and can afford the gas. LOL

Death Penalty does not work because we never use it = Repeal the Death Penalty because we never use it so it does not work.

Sophisticated technology called fracking can inexpensively and safely create fossil fuels to reduce gas and energy costs = set up a wind farm in OC.

And the Sheeple just love our  “logic,”  especially when we sweeten it with simple sound bites like it will create jobs, lower taxes, care for the elderly/poor/children/environment/animals, cure cancer, bring peace on earth, and clear up acne.  They buy it all.

funny_sheep_picture_26

I’m here to vote for all the democrats.  Um, maybe you can do it for me?   I just can’t miss The View.    

We have even trained them to viscerally despise Republicans.  (Hat Tip – Saul Alinsky)

uglydog

I hate you, you haters!  I hate you R things so much that I even hate the letter R.

We have brainwashed taught them to believe that Republicans:

Love:  money, status, golf and tennis, boating, nice cars and houses, money, themselves, Nordstroms, war, white men and blond hair, Wall Street, money

Hate:  poor people, old people, young people, women, babies, undocumented workers, clean air, animals, mother nature, gays, muslims, and everything that we believe in

So, our goal is to get all of the Rs out of Maryland.  We have basically made that happen electionwise with our clever gerrymandering.  But that still didn’t stop their smelly little protests and endless whiney speeches.  Maybe just a few more years of putting up with them and they will all finally go!

elephants

Just leave, elephants, you are messing up our Utopia.

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